On Memories and Barbecues

Today is Memorial Day, and our social media feeds are filled with photos, memes and articles honoring the fallen soldiers. These are proper and valuable, especially in these days where even on a holiday weekend we run from one event, task, or source of entertainment to the next without pausing for even a moment to remember the significance of the day and what it is we're supposed to be celebrating.

Nestled amongst those necessary poignant reminders are others, ranging from humorous to downright hostile, that tell us how Memorial Day is "not about a barbecue."

Those statements are correct, as far as they go. Memorial Day is not about a barbecue, any more than Christmas is about going to the mall.

Memorial Day, as all American Holidays -- in fact, as most national Holidays in the world -- is about more than the shallow manifestation of its celebration, but also more than its original intention. It's part of our national identity, our traditions one of the many things that still hold us together even in current times of political strife.

Yes, first and foremost, today is about remembering the sacrifice of the fallen.
It is also about taking time to think of them, not as faceless multitudes, not as torn up bodies on faraway battlefield, but as individuals.

They dreamed, laughed, had interests and hobbies; had family and loved ones. Each life was unique and valuable, and all of them were cut short.

Perhaps it is proper, then-- having paid respect to their memories, whether by thought, by prayer, by attending a local parade, or by visiting a military cemetery-- to spend at least part of the day enjoying the comforts of our lives, including food and drink, family and friends.

We get to live our lives, the way we want to, because countless others didn't.

But be sure to remember your enjoyment, your comfort, and more importantly your freedom came at a cost.

Ask yourself if you've done enough to keep that freedom, for yourself and for generations to come.

Resolve to do more, today and every day. There might be a price to pay-- there always is a price, even here and now-- in loss of friendships, financial comfort, family harmony, or even employment. Yet it pales in comparison to what those who came before us have already given.

Don't feel guilty over the fallen soldiers' sacrifice.

Just make it all worth it.

Happy 2018! Looking Behind and Planning Ahead.

Putting a certain scientist of outstanding pomposity aside, there is always a special feeling that comes with ushering in a New Year. Unlike personal milestones, such as a birthday or an anniversary, this one is universally understood across generations and cultures. Even for those, like myself, whose religious New Year does not coincide with a secular December 31st celebration, the date is still significant.

It is always useful, after all, to take time to assess where you've been and plan where you want to go. Doing it with a glass of bubbly in your hand, and sharing the experience with millions around the world, is as good a way as any.

As a woman of a certain age, I am surprised and gratified that 2017 was a year of challenges and learning.

My first-ever visit to Dragoncon, covered in detail in this podcast, and also in my guest post at Uprising Review was more than an opportunity to get out of my comfort zone. I also showed me that perhaps I'm not as much of an introvert as I always thought. I didn't mind the crowds. (OK, I wasn't happy about standing online for 2hrs trying and failing to get into the Alton Brown show, but nevertheless...). I loved chatting with strangers in the Con Suite and taking photos with cosplayers. I even enjoyed every introvert's nightmare: participating in a panel. But of course one of the highlights of the visit was randomly running into John Ringo outside one of the host hotels. And yes, I shook his hand and told him I was a fan and he was gracious enough to chat. On the whole, the Dragoncon experience is hard to describe except that now I fully understand why people come year after year for decades.

In terms of creative news, writing for and helping put together the Superversive Press anthology MAGA 2020 and Beyond was the biggest event of my year. As one of the editors for the project, I got to work with both new an experienced writers, and my interactions with them were both positive and rewarding. In fact, I enjoyed it so much I might be doing more editing in the future should an opportunity present itself. The SQUEEE moment, of course, came when I lucked into editing the Foreword by one of my favorite celebrities (if that's the proper word): Milo Yainnopoulos. In light of the current controversy, I am happy to report he delivered a very clean copy and took all the edits 😀

There were other interesting new experiences, included but not limited to: finally visiting Washington, D.C. and taking tour of the White House (hey, my Congressman turned out to be good for SOMETHING!); getting yelled at in a convenience store parking lot for wearing a MAGA hat; getting blocked on Twitter by a Senior Editor at National Review; and being a guest on an L.A. broadcast radio show The Writer's Block.

Plans for 2018? A this point in my life, I'm not too much of a planner because life has a way of changing things. However, I have already booked my next Dragoncon trip, and as for my other goals... More writing, challenging myself, and making new friends on- off-line.

Happy, healthy and prosperous 2018 to all my readers, and thanks for sticking around!

2016: Year In Review

To (badly) translate a line of Russian poetry, the longer we live the shorter the years. It seems only yesterday everyone in my social circle was toasting the end of the horribleness that was 2015. And here I was, all of last week, wading through post after post about 2016 being The Worst Year Ever. The proper response, even from those of us willing for the moment to ignore history, is not to tempt fate, for the same reason that it's a bad idea to ask "What's the worst that can happen?" (Answer: "Let's not find out.") My general attitude towards New Year celebrations is the same as towards birthdays: "Yay! I made it another year. Cool." No more, no less.

Not that there is anything wrong with acknowledging milestones, or with using a specific date, whatever it happens to be, as an excuse to look back, re-assess, and make decisions for the future. And so it is in that spirit that I offer my version of 2016: Year in Review.

Personal News:

I would say my oldest getting into the college of his choice was probably the biggest even in my life. Sending him off to live on his own was much harder than I thought, and although he has come to visit since, and might move closer to home after graduation the separation is irreversible. He is now his own man, making his own choices on a day to day basis. No matter how connected we are, how accepting he is (so far) of our advice, or how ready we are to step in and help should he need us, the relationship has changed. It's a good thing, and a necessary process, but it's also on the scary side, at least for me as a parent. The young tend to be fearless, and that's also how it should be.

Creative News:

2016 has been an amazing year for me in that respect. In January, I published my first novel, Chasing Freedom, which was nominated for a Dragon Award in the summer. I didn't win, but the thought of having enough fans to even have my name mentioned among some many wonderfully talented authors was a mind-blowing experience.

Sometime over the summer, I also had the privilege to get connected with the fine folks at SuperversiveSF and to have my novella The Product picked up by their newly created publishing division (Superversive Press). It was a very different experience from doing it alone, and I learned a lot from going through the process. I also got to work with a professional editor, who not only helped make my story better, but also gave me some pointers on writing that I am using even now while working on completely new material.

Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah!

2016 has been a special year in many ways, not the least of which is a coincidence of the first day of Chanukah falling on Christmas Eve. I wish Merry Christmas to my Christian readers, Happy Chanukah to the Jews and a joyous season to all.

I link below the post from last year that contains my Chanukah poem. I can admit it now that the poem was written in 2012 after the Republican electoral defeat. It was particularly hard for me to take because I was involved with a local Tea Party at the time and the emotional effect on all of us was devastating. Aside from the story told in the poem, it is essentially a tribute to not giving up. 2016, for all its trials, is coming to an end on a hopeful note for many of us, but the message is still relevant.

Chanukah Reflections, 2015

P.S. Feel free to share with your friends and family members of a different political persuasion. There is too much despair going on in certain circles. It's amusing to watch online, but not from people we care about regardless of politics. Maybe a little perspective would help.

Gratitude: a Necessity

When I started my blog a little over a year ago, my first post of substance was about gratitude. You can read the whole thing, but the gist of it was that it's not natural for us to be grateful. We tend to take for granted everything that goes right and spend most of our time trying to improve and fix the problems, whether real or imaginary. It's not bad, necessarily, because it motivates up to aim higher and work harder, but appreciation for what we do have is also a requirement for a truly fulfilling life.

There exists a type of person almost pathologically incapable of gratitude, and we seem to have more of them lately. From an overpaid feminist professor decrying the patriarchy to a successful musician disappointing his fans to make a political statement to an athlete denigrating the country that offered him fame and fortune, new examples appear on a nearly daily basis.

The phenomenon of ingratitude, of taking gifts for granted and spitting at those who provide them is far from recent and not unique to wealthy Western nations. It is, in fact, old and universal enough to have been immortalized by a Russian 19th Century poet in a tale of The Fisherman and the Golden Fish.

For those unwilling to struggle through the valiant yet clunky attempt at a translation, it's a story of a poor Fisherman who catches a magical golden fish. In exchange for sparing her life, the fish offers the man anything he desires. At first, being kindly and humble, he simply lets the fish go. However, his wife repeatedly forces him to make ever more extravagant demands, with predictable results.

On its face, the tale cautions against greed and pride. But the character of the Fisherman's Wife is all too familiar. Her first request is modest (a new wash-tub), and even the second is understandable (a nicer house). But the more she receives, the more unhappy, demanding, and cruel she becomes.

Why is that? Do the newfound material possessions make her dissatisfied? Does she subconsciously miss poverty? More likely, she simply didn't have the ability to appreciate what was given to her. Every new gift only brought on the thoughts of what she was still lacking, and she kept asking for more, meeting no resistance, no indication that there might be a limit.

But of course, whether in fairy tales or in life, there is always a limit. Whether it's a magical benefactor or luck or true productive ability, there is only so much tangible success available to us within a lifetime. On the other hand, the amount of satisfaction and joy we achieve is very much ours to decide. The difference between happiness and misery very often comes from appreciating what one already has.

Can gratitude be learned? Perhaps. As a counter-example to the tale above, there is a Jewish joke that has been a favorite in my family. It tells of a poor Jew who comes to the Rabbi to complain about his small house. The Rabbi tells the man to buy a goat and bring it inside for a month, then get rid of it. Needless to say, after the month is up, the man appreciates all the "extra" space in the house and stops complaining.

Most people experience something similar throughout their lives: an event so traumatic that normalcy seems like a gift. Cancer survivors know of what I speak, as does everyone who watched the towers collapse on 9/11. Just living seems enough. Having family and friends around feels like a luxury. Yet it doesn't last. After a while, we start taking it all for granted again and seek more. However, any time we start to feel low, we can look back and say, "Today is not so bad, for I had been through worse. And thank goodness for that."

That is one way to learn gratitude. Another is to look around and see those less fortunate than us, whether in this country or around the world, not to feel guilty and self-disgusted as some activists would have us do, but to appreciate how rare our "normal" really is. Another is through religion. As a relative newcomer to religion, I was quite surprised how many prayers center around thanks. After all we usually think of prayer as a request rather than an expression of gratitude, but clearly the two go together.

Whatever the path to gratitude, it is my hope that more people in this world find it, for is not just a societal convention we learn as children under the umbrella of good manners. It's more, even, than a form of repayment to those who help us as we face the challenges of life. Fundamentally, it's a key to lasting happiness, available to all just for the asking.

The choice for the appropriate music video was between Martina McBride and this. Sorry, Martina.

The Holiday of Purim: a Storytelling Perspective

Purim is a lesser of the two Jewish spring celebrations. It has minimum requirements for observance and is mostly unknown to outsiders. Passover gets all the glory, and deservedly so. And yet, the story of Purim is as compelling as it is universal, and frankly deserves a better movie than this obscure production.

Think of the characters alone. A tyrannical King? Check. Evil advisor? Yep. Poor, beautiful and virtuous young woman, tasked with saving her people from certain doom? You got it. A kindly older man, a hero in his own right, giving said woman advice and inspiration? Absolutely. Add a magic wand and you have an old-fashioned Disney film. Ah, but here's the thing. There is no magic. Of course, you already knew that since we're talking a religious tale, but there is also no voice from above, no visible miracles, not even a mention of G-d. The heroes pray for wisdom and strength, but the actions are solely their own, even if in retrospect some of the coincidences must have been divinely guided. This, to me, is the central lesson of this Holiday. In dark times, we might wish for superheroes and extraordinary powers (as we certainly do now, considering our entertainment preferences), but they are not necessary. Often the only quality that separates the heroes from the rest is the will to make the right choices and persevere, no matter the cost.

A Date on the Calendar

New Year's Day is, in a way, an artificial holiday, just a date demarcating an end of the year. Why, then, such lavish celebration? Champagne, caviar, the extravagant show in Times Square, the breathless countdown of last remaining seconds till the clock strikes midnight?

The answer, I think, lies in the human longing for a fresh start, desire to do better, get it right (whatever "it" might be). It may be naive, an empty hope, but the very fact that it persist throughout generations and cultures shows that there may be something to it.

And so I leave you with this, my dear friends and readers. May you find your fresh start this year, leave your troubles behind the border created by the changing of the dates and embark on new and exciting adventures. I, for one, am looking forward to sharing them with you. Happy and healthy 2016 to you and yours, and thank you for being here.

MF

A Christmas Message for All

To my friends and readers-

No matter your faith, or lack thereof, have a joyous and peaceful day. Take a moment to ponder the fact that as millions endure religious persecution around the world, we are free to worship--or not worship--as we choose.

The are dark times, but we have seen darker. The light always wins.

If you're so inclined, please share your favorite traditions and memories of the season below. Thanks for stopping by!

Marina

P.S. Also, this exists ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NKHJ64qRR8

Chanukah Reflections

The Holiday of Chanukah starts tonight, and I will now take a break from cooking my 8-hour chicken soup (yes, really!) to share a poem I wrote a couple of years ago. As we enter what is loosely called The Holiday Season, there is no denying the amount of darkness currently present in the world, and no better time to reflect on the meaning of the holiday that specifically celebrates light.

One question that I particularly want to ponder today, as some of our cultural outlets seem to go out of their way to diminish the significance of both tradition and prayer. In the story of Chanukah, throughout history, and in our present day, who are the heroes? The warriors who fight to preserve our way of life, or the spiritual and cultural leaders who keep it alive and undiluted after the battle is won? And in the final analysis, in the judgment of history, must there be a dichotomy between the two? Feel free to comment below.

_______________________________________________________

Come gather my friends on this Holiday night

Consider the story of Chanukah lights

Ages ago, the Hebrews took fight

To an arrogant ruler who denied them their rights

The warriors battled and won their glory

But that wasn’t all; just the start of our story

Their Temple, alas, had been damaged and looted

With idols inside, its spirit polluted

The Jews went to work. They cleaned and they polished

Swept up the debris of the idols demolished

But as they looked around, the Jews realized

They still were not done, for a Temple needs light

While oil for lamps wasn’t hard to procure

The Priests had insisted it had to be pure

They searched for a while, and soon with delight

Have found the oil, enough for one night

The rest of the story you know by now

The Priests lit the lamp with the oil they found

And then, in defiance of doubt and hate

A day’s worth of oil burned brightly for eight

The story is old, but the spirit remains

I hope it helps you in darkest of days

When the wolf’s at the door and your dreams fall apart

Remember this lesson and take it to heart

Just one simple thought from this Holiday night:

When you stand on conviction, you will always find light.

Dedicated to all the folks out there fighting the good fight.

You know who you are. 

On Gratitude

The holiday of Thanksgiving has taken on different connotations over the years, anything from an annual family reunion to an excuse to over-eat to "that day before Black Friday." However, at its core, Thanksgiving is a four-day weekend dedicated to gratitude.

On the whole, it's not in human nature to feel gratitude on a regular basis. (I am not referring to feelings towards helpful individuals or in case of a particularly lucky turn of events, but a diffuse sense of "I have it pretty good. Thank you, world, for treating me well.") It makes sense, in terms of our survival needs, to focus on the problems, on what is lacking. When afflicted with a toothache, we don't feel happy for having a healthy heart--we run to the dentist. When the roof is leaking, we don't appreciate that fact that at least we are not homeless--we concentrate on getting it fixed. All proper reactions, of course, but as we run from one problem to the next, do we tend to acquire the sense that it's ALL that life is about?

At best, the sense of permanent dissatisfaction drives us to achievement, self-improvement and, occasionally, greatness. Too often, though, we forget to focus on what is not broken, on parts of our world that did work out just right, on little moments of joy and grace. And in failing to recognize the good stuff, we become the poorer for it.

Fortunately, we do get this special weekend in November. To slow down, to look at what we do have, to spend time with loved ones and yes, even remember the good times we've had with those lost to us. Life's little (and not-so-little) problems will still be there on Monday. These few days are ours to enjoy. Let's make the best of the opportunity.